Feelings Part 2: When You Can’t Name What You’re Feeling: How Suppressed Emotions Show Up in the Body and Mind

As I mentioned in my last post, many people spend much of their lives ignoring or suppressing their emotions. Often, there are understandable reasons for this. You may have learned early on that certain feelings—like anger, sadness, or fear—were “bad” or unwelcome. Or maybe you’ve feared that feeling your emotions fully might be too overwhelming—that you might fall apart.

Over time, this suppression can become automatic. You may not even realize you’re doing it. Many people come into therapy saying, “I don’t know what I’m feeling.” This emotional disconnection is incredibly common—and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.

The good news is that emotions don’t disappear. Even when suppressed, they often show up in other ways: through anxiety, physical symptoms, or mood changes. By learning to recognize these signs and reconnect with your body, you can gradually rebuild your ability to feel and name what’s going on inside.

How Suppressed Feelings Can Show Up

Here are a few common ways unexpressed emotions might be trying to get your attention:

1. Free-Floating Anxiety

Anxiety is a common reaction to stress, uncertainty, or fear. But if you often feel anxious without knowing why—tense, jittery, or restless for no clear reason—it may be that there’s an emotion underneath that hasn’t been fully acknowledged.

This kind of anxiety is often tied to emotions like anger or sadness that were never allowed to surface. The next time you feel this way, try gently asking yourself, “Is there a feeling I’m holding back right now?”

2. Depression

Sometimes depression is connected to unexpressed grief or sadness. When we don’t allow ourselves to fully mourn a loss or process a painful experience, those emotions can settle in and create a heavy, numbing feeling.

Depression can also stem from anger turned inward—especially if you're caught in a cycle of self-criticism or shame. In these cases, what’s needed is compassion, not more judgment. Giving space to feel anger, sadness, or pain—without pushing it away—can be the beginning of healing.

3. Psychosomatic Symptoms

The mind and body are closely linked. Chronic physical symptoms—like headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, high blood pressure, or even asthma—can sometimes reflect emotional stress that hasn’t found a way out.

When emotions are pushed down over many years, the body often carries the burden. But many people find that when they start to name, feel, and express their emotions, these symptoms begin to ease.

4. Muscle Tension

Tense shoulders, tight jaws, or stiffness in your neck and back are some of the clearest signs that emotions may be stuck in the body. Anger, fear, or anxiety often get stored as physical tension.

If you notice your body feeling tight or braced, try slowing down and asking, “What might I be feeling right now that I haven’t acknowledged?” You don’t need to get it exactly right. Just becoming curious is a powerful step.

From Thinking to Feeling: Reconnecting With Your Body

When we’re stuck in our thoughts—worrying, analyzing, replaying—we tend to live in our heads. But feelings often live in the body. Shifting your attention inward can help you reconnect to what you’re feeling on a deeper level.

The following steps are adapted from the work of Eugene Gendlin, who developed a process called Focusing. These gentle practices can help you become more aware of the physical experience of your emotions:

Steps to Reconnect With Your Feelings

1. Physically relax.
   Spend 5–10 minutes doing something to calm your body and mind—deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or a short meditation.

2. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?”
   You don’t need to have an answer right away. Just stay open and curious.

3. Tune into your body.
   Where do you usually feel emotions? For many people, feelings show up in the chest, belly, or throat. Check in with those areas—or anywhere else you feel something stirring.

4. Observe, without judging.
   Notice what sensations are present. Don’t analyze or explain—just notice. Is there tightness, pressure, warmth, tingling? Let your body speak, and try to listen with kindness.

5. If your thoughts take over, pause and reset.
   If your mind starts racing or you feel stuck, return to step 1. You may need a little more time to settle. Try a few rounds of slow, deep breaths.

6. Get curious about the feeling.
   Once you sense an emotion is present, try asking:

   • Where in my body is this feeling?

   • What is the shape and size of it?

   • If it had a color, what would it be?

   • If it could speak, what might it say?

These questions aren’t meant to “solve” anything—they’re meant to help you stay present and deepen your awareness.

A Gentle Reminder

Reconnecting with your emotions is a process. It doesn’t have to happen all at once. Even small moments of awareness—pausing to notice your breath, softening a tense shoulder, naming a feeling—can open the door to deeper healing.

In the next post, I’ll share simple ways to express your feelings in healthy, authentic ways—especially in relationships.