Feelings Part 1: Why Feelings Matter (Especially When You Feel Disconnected)

If you’ve ever said, “I don’t know what I’m feeling,” or “I feel numb,” you’re not alone. Many people come into therapy feeling disconnected from their emotions. This can be a symptom of things like depression, anxiety, or past trauma. And honestly, it makes sense. When emotional pain feels too overwhelming, it’s natural to try to push it down or shut it off.

In the short term, this kind of emotional suppression can help us get through difficult situations. But over time, it often leaves us feeling stuck, exhausted, or empty. When we try to block out painful emotions, we often end up muting the positive ones too. Some people lose touch with what they feel entirely; others can name their emotions but struggle to express them. Over time, this disconnect can lead to feeling depleted, unfulfilled, or out of sync with yourself.

So, What Are Feelings?

Feelings aren’t just “in your head”—they’re a full-body experience. When you feel strong emotions like fear, joy, or anger, your body responds. Your heart might race, your breathing might change, you might get sweaty or shaky. These reactions come from your nervous system, especially during intense emotions like anxiety or panic, when your body enters “fight or flight” mode.

Feelings don’t happen in a vacuum. They're shaped by your thoughts, past experiences, and how you interpret what’s happening around (or inside) you. For example, your heart racing and shortness of breath could feel like fear if you’re facing something scary—or excitement if you’re watching your favorite team win. Same body signals, different meaning.

Basic and Complex Feelings

There are basic emotions—like anger, fear, sadness, joy, love, and grief—that tend to come on quickly and feel intense in the body. Then there are complex emotions, like disappointment, relief, jealousy, or impatience. These often last longer and involve more thinking or internal dialogue.

We rarely feel just one thing at a time. If you’re having a tough conversation with someone you care about, you might feel hurt, angry, guilty, and still loving—all at once. That’s completely normal.

Why Getting in Touch with Your Feelings Matters

Feelings give us energy. When we’re connected to them, we often feel more alive, more grounded, and more ourselves. When we’re disconnected, it can feel like we’re just going through the motions—numb, anxious, or drained.

It’s important to remember: feelings aren’t good or bad—they just are. Emotions like fear, sadness, or anger aren’t signs that something is wrong with you. They’re part of being human. What matters most is how we relate to our emotions—not whether we have them. Judging yourself for how you feel just adds another layer of suffering.

Why We Learn to Suppress Feelings

Sometimes, we hold back our emotions because it’s not the right time or place to express them. For example, if your boss says something upsetting during a meeting, it might not be the moment to fully express your anger—and that’s okay. This kind of short-term emotional holding can be helpful.

But when emotional avoidance becomes a habit—when we distract ourselves, stay busy, or ignore what we feel without realizing it—it can turn into repression. Over time, this can make it harder to recognize or express any emotions, and we might start to feel numb or disconnected from our true selves.

Some people worry that if they finally let themselves feel, the emotions will be too big to handle—that they’ll fall apart or lose control. But in reality, giving emotions space to exist is what helps them soften. Feelings don’t last forever. When we allow them, they tend to move through us—like waves—and leave us with a deeper sense of connection and clarity.

What’s Next?

In my next post, I’ll share practical ways to begin identifying, feeling, and expressing emotions in healthy and empowering ways.

If this post resonates with you, be gentle with yourself. Reconnecting with your emotions is a process—and it starts with small steps.