The Power of Connection: Why Asking for Help Is Hard—and Why You Should Do It Anyway

In my practice, I often meet people at some of the most vulnerable points in their lives. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a serious health diagnosis, or a sudden life change, one thing becomes clear very quickly: having a solid support system can be the difference between barely surviving and beginning to heal.

Research has long shown that social support is crucial to both physical and psychological well-being (Cohen & Willis, 1985; Helgeson, 2002). Studies have also demonstrated a powerful link between giving to others and experiencing greater happiness and life satisfaction (Diener & Seligman, 2004). Yet, despite this compelling evidence, many people find it incredibly difficult to ask for or accept help—especially in Western cultures that prize independence and self-sufficiency.

But here’s the truth: needing help is not a weakness. It’s a fundamental part of being human.

What Is Social Support?

The National Cancer Institute defines social support as “a network of family, friends, neighbors, and community members that is available in times of need to give psychological, physical, and financial help.” Support can show up in a variety of forms:

• Emotional: Offering empathy, compassion, and encouragement

• Instrumental: Helping with tasks, chores, or transportation

• Informational: Providing advice or helping with decision-making

The Benefits of Social Support

A strong support network offers more than just comfort—it can be a protective factor during difficult times. Some key benefits include:

• Lower rates of depression, anxiety, and PTSD following crisis

• More active and adaptive coping strategies

• Increased resilience

• A stronger sense of belonging and connectedness

• Improved overall health behaviors and outcomes

Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard

For many people, asking for help brings up uncomfortable feelings: shame, guilt, fear of burdening others, or a sense of inadequacy. These feelings are often shaped by cultural messages that equate strength with self-reliance. But leaning on others during times of need is not a failure—it’s an act of courage, vulnerability, and self-care.

How to Ask for Support

If you're in crisis—or even just overwhelmed—here are some ways to begin reaching out:

• Choose people you trust and feel emotionally safe with

• Be specific about what would be helpful (e.g., “Can you watch the kids for two hours on Thursday?”)

• Be honest about what wouldn’t be helpful

• Remind yourself that the people who care about you want to support you

• Practice reciprocity—being a supportive friend yourself builds trust and mutual care

• Join a support group or community circle

• Look for local resources that can provide connection and practical help

How to Offer Support to Others

Sometimes we want to help, but we’re not sure how. Here are some meaningful, concrete ways to support someone in your life:

• Listen with empathy—sometimes just being there is enough

• Organize or contribute to a meal train (www.mealtrain.com)

• Offer transportation to appointments

• Help with everyday tasks like grocery shopping, walking the dog, or taking out the trash

• Offer childcare or accompany someone to a difficult appointment

• Gift a practical service, like hiring a cleaner or scheduling a massage

• Volunteer with community organizations to extend your support more broadly

Final Thoughts

During these volatile and often isolating times—especially in the wake of a post-COVID world—building and maintaining meaningful connections is more important than ever. Creating and nurturing a support network takes intention and vulnerability, but it pays dividends in resilience, health, and emotional well-being.

Giving and receiving help in times of need strengthens the social bonds that make us more whole. It reminds us that even in our most fragile moments, we are not alone.

References

• Cohen, S., & Willis, T.A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98, 310–357.

• Diener, E., & Seligman, M. (2004). Beyond Money: Toward an Economy of Well-Being. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 5(1), 1–31.

• Helgeson, V. S. (2002). Social support and quality of life. Quality of Life Research, 12(1), 25–31.

• Ozbay F. et al. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: from neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry, 4(5), 35–40.