You Are Not Your Thoughts Part 2: The Passengers on the Bus - Living Authentically with Cognitive Defusion
In a previous blog, I introduced cognitive defusion, a key concept from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and shared practical exercises to help you create distance from your thoughts. In this post, we’ll explore what happens when we become fused with our thoughts—and how defusion techniques like the Passengers on the Bus exercise can help us live more authentically and in alignment with what truly matters.
When Thoughts Take the Wheel
Almost all forms of psychological distress or angst are rooted in our tendency to fuse with thoughts and treat them as literal truths. Because we get so caught up in what our mind is saying, we often lose sight of what we genuinely value in life.
Consider this example:
A person has a panic attack at the mall. The next time they consider going back, their mind fills with anxious thoughts:
“What if I panic again?”
“What if people stare?”
“What if I embarrass myself?”
Fused with these thoughts, the person avoids going to the mall altogether. Their world shrinks slightly. But panic and embarrassment aren’t limited to malls—they could arise in countless places. And over time, life can grow narrower and narrower, centered not on living fully, but on avoiding discomfort.
Cognitive defusion techniques help interrupt this cycle. They don’t eliminate anxious or self-critical thoughts, but they give us room to decide: Do I want these thoughts in charge? Or do I want to move toward what I truly care about—even with discomfort tagging along?
The “Passengers on the Bus” Exercise
One of my favorite defusion metaphors from ACT is the Passengers on the Bus exercise. It’s simple yet profound—it allows us to visualize thoughts and emotions not as facts or commands, but as noisy passengers who are along for the ride, not driving the vehicle.
To illustrate this technique, let’s look at a (fictional) client example:
Meet Alice
Alice is a 45-year-old registered nurse who has spent years caring for patients in an oncology unit. She’s skilled, compassionate, and deeply committed to helping others. Recently, she was offered a leadership role training and mentoring new nurses—an exciting opportunity that aligns perfectly with her core values.
But Alice is stuck.
She hasn’t accepted the position because of her overwhelming fear of public speaking.
As part of therapy, Alice tries the Passengers on the Bus exercise.
Step 1: Identify What Truly Matters
Alice is asked to reflect on what she most wants her life to be about. Without hesitation, she says:
“I want to help as many people as possible.”
She recognizes that mentoring young nurses is a way to expand that impact.
Step 2: Identify the Passengers
Next, Alice explores the thoughts, feelings, and memories that have been keeping her stuck—her “passengers.” Here’s who shows up:
Passenger 1: Intense physical sensations of panic when speaking to more than three people.
Passenger 2: “If people see how nervous I am, they’ll think I’m a complete freak.”
Passenger 3: “Maybe I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
Passenger 4: A deep, old voice: “You’ll never amount to anything.”
Alice has spent years trying to silence these passengers—avoiding any situation where they might appear. It’s worked, in a way—her anxiety is lower when she avoids public speaking. But there's a cost. She’s left with a lingering sense of missing out on something vital. She knows she’s not moving toward her values.
Step 3: Reclaim the Driver’s Seat
In the final part of the exercise, Alice imagines herself as the driver of the bus—and her thoughts and emotions as passengers. The passengers are free to yell, criticize, and try to intimidate her, but they cannot grab the wheel unless she hands it to them.
Alice realizes something powerful:
She can drive the bus and bring her passengers along. She doesn’t have to wait for her anxiety or self-doubt to disappear. She can move toward her values while allowing discomfort to ride quietly in the back.
This shift allows Alice to imagine saying yes to the leadership role—not because her fear is gone, but because her commitment to helping others is stronger than her fear.
Try This for Yourself
Take a moment to think of a situation you’ve been avoiding—something important to you that’s been sidelined by difficult thoughts or feelings.
What values are involved?
What “passengers” show up when you imagine stepping toward that goal?
Can you allow them to be there, without needing to fight or eliminate them?
What would it look like to drive your bus in the direction of what matters most?
Final Thoughts
The goal of cognitive defusion isn’t to silence our thoughts—it’s to stop letting them run the show. The more we practice this, the more space we create to live boldly, imperfectly, and in alignment with our deepest values.
In future posts, we’ll continue exploring other ACT-based techniques for psychological flexibility and emotional resilience. For now, remember: You are the driver. Your thoughts are just along for the ride.
Ready to take the next step toward healing? Schedule a free consultation with me today.